Tour Diary December 7th- 14th 2001

Friday 7th
Ok.......something REALLY freaky is going on in my hotel and I've got to get to the bottom of it.We keep seeing people bandaged up wandering through the corridors late at night looking like the invisible man before he becomes invisible.I mean......when I say bandaged up........I mean looking like egyptian mummies! It is SOOOOoooo strange. To add to our bemusement we've also seen nurses coming though the hotel almost every single day we've been here and I even spotted a discarded wheelchair by the side of one of the back corridor elevators!!!! I mean.....WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!!?!?!? It's really creepy.
My crew have all been joking that the bandaged mummy is in fact Osama Bin Laden recovering from a full plastic-surgery make-over!!!! Although in this day and age I shouldn't make such a joke.Afterall...... such a concept is completely feasible.

Saturday 8th
Conducted my interview with VHI for their Behind the Music on Garbage this afternoon and although it all went perfectly smoothly and I was interviewed by a charming and hyper polite young man I couldn't help but think to myself................they're going to have a hard time finding anything really scandalous to report.I mean (touch wood) we've had no real DRAMA in our career in the "Behind the Music" sense.Not one of us has ever become addicted to drugs, alchohol, sex,food, pornography,prostitutes gambling or fighting.We've never been embroiled in political intrigue,heavy law- suits or name-calling.We've never trashed our rooms,thrown telly's out of windows or abused hotel staff.Never been hauled out into the tabloids and had every inch of our lives violated and desecrated by a probing camera lense.We've never had any of our personal home-made porno videos stolen from our homes, never dated famous musicians, super models or actors. Never been in a lunatic asylum, rehab or trouble with the police unless you count the multiple speeding tickets that Duke accumulated over the last year.What on earth is VHI thinking by doing a Behind the Music on Garbage?!?!?!?!?!? We're sure to disappoint.

Sunday 9th
Day off

Monday 10th
Went to see my Ear,nose and throat specialist this morning and suffered through one of THE most unpleasant experiences of my life which entailed my doctor pushing a long thin probe high up into my nasal cavity.I quite literally thought he was going to poke my brains out.I moaned and muttered something like "Jesus christ....you've got to stop that NOW" before grabbing his hand and jerking the damn thing out.

Tuesday 11th
Got picked up hideously early this morning (8am) to go to a studio for the MAC Viva Glam Campaign photo shoot.The one redeeming thing about my early morning pick up however was that some very kind soul had been thoughtful enough to organize the purchase of one very fine STARBUCKS skinny latte which was waiting for me upon climbing into the car.
ShhhhhhhveeeeeT.
The MAC Viva Glam campaign is something I'm really excited about. It is basically about drawing public attention to the global epidemic of HIV and AIDS and raising money to directly support those affected by the disease. The company does this by donating every single cent that they make from the sale of VIVA GLAM lipsticks to the MAC Aids Fund which supports the many projects and organizations around the world which bring relief to millions of men,women and children who are infected or affected by HIV/AIDS .To date I believe they have raised over 23 million dollars with this campaign which is an astounding amount to raise with something as insignificant and frivilous as a lipstick.
Hailing from Edinburgh,Scotland where we have one of the highest statistics in the whole of Europe of people living with HIV/Aids,I feel that this is one cause I'd definitely like to participate in.Besides which, life has been so good to me and I believe it is time for me to repay some of the good karma that was sent my way and spread it elsewhere.
The photo shoot itself was pretty fucking MAD in an extremely surreal way.The amount of people who showed up at the studio was INSANE.I mean......it felt like we were almost playing a gig!!! Of course.............. did I forget to mention that I was having my photograph taken with none other than Sir Elton John and (The Goddess) Mary J Blige?!?!?!?
Great Company indeed.I mean......Mary J Blige has a voice that can touch parts of people that they believe are unreachable.That's what makes her such a staggering force.She has something very special inside and it was a real honour to have my picture taken alongside her. I think she probably thought I was a complete numpty cause I was so nervous about meeting her that I kept saying really idiotic things.I could tell she thought I was a little odd.
As for Elton John......he's such a irreverent ball of charisma and energy that I loved meeting and hanging out with him.We just had such a bloody laugh and I felt as though I had known him for years.I suspect due to the fact that he's "Been There,Done That".
Had his whole friggin' life trawled through the papers..........his up's and down's and his downs and out's that he's got nothing left to hide........nothing left to lose......nothing rotting under the surface that he needs fear will be revealed.......so he seems totally centered in a gorgeously eccentric way.

Wednesday 12th
Appeared on The Jay Leno Show tonight and had the dubious honour of having to stand on the same stage as Bob Dole who has creeped me out ever since I saw that Britney Spears Pepsi commercial where he's looking all glassy eyed next to a big drooling dog and Mr Bob pants 'Down Boy" and we (the audience) are supposed to be amused.
Since when has the concept of a dirty old man oggling an underage teenager been funny?
Anyway....I digress........Leno was as usual, pretty good fun and we all laughed our heads off at his intern's coverage of the Ocean's 11 premiere.My boys played really well and seemed happy enough with our performance but I was not. I'm having severe problems with my voice and could barely sing a damn note.

Thursday 13th
Played our first LA show in 2 years tonight at the "Not so silent Night" Christmas show for Star 98.7 with Alanis Morrisette and Nelly Furtado.
My number 1 fan and crazed stalker....Ms Jenna Elfman of the Dharma and Greg Show introduced us and the crowd just went absolutely MENTAl.So much so that we all started to giggle before we even stepped on stage.
I've been having some weird trouble with my throat so of course I sang like shit but there was a great vibe coming off the audience and the boys had a good show so I'm not going to get too neurotic and hung-up about it.
The highlight of the entire evening for me was getting to meet JT LeRoy face to face for the first time and be able to give him a hug and take a peek at my wee baby bird close up.He's so pretty and delicate...........a tiny whisper of a figure............so much so that I felt the compulsion to scoop him in my arms and wrap him up in baby pink cashmere.

Friday 14th
Went to my throat specialist today and got some lovely new pills to try.I'm getting really super freaked out by the fact that I'm growing croakier and croakier by the second.I must try to remain calm and not fret unduly.As from tomorrow morning I'm on holiday for three weeks so I have plenty time to recover. Catching the red eye out of LA tonight.

Happy holidays everyone.